‘Adoption Is Not A Walk In The Park, But It Is Deeply Rewarding’
Nidhi Pant, mother to six-year-old Naina, shares her journey of adoption, emphasising that it is not an act of charity but a meaningful parenthood experience. In her own words:
My husband and I always wanted to adopt. Initially, I imagined having one biological child and one heart baby, but my husband was fully on board with adoption alone. We applied in 2018, inspired by a colleague who had adopted a two-year-old girl. At that time, the process was expected to take around 18 months, but COVID delayed it, stretching our journey to nearly three years before we finally received a referral.
We were particularly interested in adopting a very young girl to bridge the age gap between us and the child. When we received the referral, we had five days to decide whether to accept it. We consulted a paediatrician and requested additional tests before making our decision. Telling our parents about the adoption was another step, but their reactions were mostly neutral. While my mother was initially sceptical, my husband and I were clear that the final decision was ours alone. Our siblings and friends, however, were incredibly supportive.
Starting conversations about adoption with your child early on is crucial. This openness helps them understand their story and embrace their identity. “The decision to adopt must be entirely yours as a couple. Extended family is a bonus if they accept it, but it’s your responsibility to protect your child from any negativity,” I would advise potential adoptive parents. That’s why we chose not to share our plans with too many people initially. We hinted to our parents, but they didn’t take it seriously until it became real.
Some adoptive parents don’t tell anyone, especially when adopting an infant, letting it blend seamlessly into daily life. For us, we were fortunate that we didn’t face challenges from our social circle. My parents were so excited that they shared it with everyone they met, which I had to then gently tell them while there’s nothing to hide, it’s better to mention only if it came up in conversations.
Adoptive parents shouldn’t feel the need to hide their decision. Be proud of it, and your confidence will ensure that others don’t turn it into a point of discussion. There may be comments like, “But how can you love a child that’s not yours?” You have to develop thick skin. You made the decision with clarity and purpose, and there’s no room for doubt. The more confident you are in your choice, the easier it is to shield your child from negativity.
Since bringing our daughter home, it’s hard to remember life without her. Everything now revolves around her, just like it would with a biological child. Of course, there are tough times when she’s naughty or stubborn, but her trust and affection remind us why this journey is so special. Raising a confident girl who knows her truth and place in the world will be our greatest accomplishment.
One thing I would like to add is that it took time for me to connect with her. The day before she arrived, I had jitters, worried whether I would bond with her. You often hear of instant love, but that wasn’t my experience. She was sweet, but the connection wasn’t immediate. Many friends reassured me that this is normal, even with newborns. The bond grows over time, through daily interactions, as the child learns to love and trust you.
We hadn’t been part of the first three years of her life, so discovering her likes, dislikes, and strengths has been a journey. For example, during a trip post-COVID, we realized how much she loves water. She hadn’t experienced much of it in her orphanage, but it quickly became clear that swimming would be her thing. Now, she’s excelling as one of the youngest swimmers in our community.
Supporting her interests has been a beautiful part of our journey. We tried dance, but while she enjoys it, swimming is her real passion. Watching her bloom into a confident, self-assured girl is amazing. Adoptive parents nurture, but it’s important to remember that nature also plays a role. There are personality traits that don’t come from us, and that’s okay unless it is hurtful to the society.
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People often jump to conclusions, assuming adoption is a last resort. That wasn’t the case for us—we always wanted to adopt. We were ready for questions and inappropriate comments, like “Did you guys have any issues? Or It must be hard, right, to love a child that’s not yours?” It’s important to handle such situations tactfully, especially in front of the child, so they don’t feel hurt.
Every child is unique. We specifically wanted a girl, but we believe that every child is special. Raising a confident and self-assured child who knows her worth is our primary goal. If we can achieve that, we will feel like we have accomplished something meaningful.
One major consideration for adoptive parents is the fear of abandonment, which is heightened in adopted children, especially those who come into adoption at an older age. They may carry emotional baggage from past trauma. These children need an abundance of love and care to feel safe. Adoption counsellors can provide invaluable support in helping them adjust. There’s a wealth of resources now that weren’t available in the past, and finding a supportive community of adoptive parents can be reassuring.
Bringing a child into your home, whether through birth or adoption, is a major life change. Adoptive parents should take time for themselves, maintain their relationships, and ensure both partners find balance.
People often say, “You’re doing a good thing” or “You’re performing Samaj Seva,” but that’s not how any adoptive parent feels. We adopt because we love children and want a child in our home, not to perform a social service. A child is a child—full of innocence and love. When a child offers that love so openly, it’s impossible not to love them back.
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As told to Mamta Sharma
