‘Pity That Even Judges Carry Preconceived Biases On Women Role’
Bhavneet, a Bengaluru-based single mother, says men are victims of patriarchal expectations too, and we must question this deep-rooted malaise. Her views:
A Pune district court judge recently sparked a backlash on social media after he asked a woman complainant in a domestic violence case as why she was not wearing a mangalsutra and bindi. The judge reportedly said, “If you don’t behave like a married woman, why would your husband show any interest in you?” The incident was shared on social media by Ankur R Jahagirdar, a disputes lawyer from Pune.
This isn’t the first time a woman’s lack of wearing traditional symbols of marriage on her sleeves – or forehead in this case – has been scrutinized in a court of law. This is a stark reminder of how deep-rooted the gender bias has set in, in our social milieu. Whether a woman wears bindi, bangles or burqa, it’s her choice, no?
I am a single mother, who recently started enjoying wearing a bindi. When I was married, I never did. So, did my husband lost interest because of this? Well, may be the Pune judge could decide! And what is it to behave or look like a married woman? Is there a similar thing for men too?
There was a point of time when it became fancy to talk about feminism; even today it is a fashion to talk against feminism, without even understanding what it means. Does it mean we want to rule over men? Do we want a matriarchal society? An another world kingdom? No, we are simply asking why these rules are just for women. We only want the shoe to be in the other foot too.
More importantly, I feel the educated men need to start questioning it without being told to think about it. That’s what good education should do. But then when we talk of education, this judge must be educated enough. Why is his thought process still this way? Because that’s what he learnt at home, in the society and these are accepted norms. Good education should make you question “why”.
ALSO READ: ‘Patriarchy Affects Both Men and Women…’
The other thing that the judge commented about was “women look for men with higher salary”. Here, men need to raise few questions: why must only men become the head of the family; why should this pressure be borne by men only; why can’t they be homemakers and draw equal respect? For, there is deep conditioning in men and women both; something which is now so ingrained that we do not even realise it consciously.
Men are also victims of this patriarchal mould. From a young age, a boy is raised to protect his sister (however elder). Why must a little boy protect an elder girl? I would assume she is the one doing that for a long period of time. If you question people on this, you will hear, “Oh feminism in Rakshabandhan too, please respect these cultural traditions”.
In the age when humans were hunter and gatherer, men and women worked together. There was no physical strength difference also. Slowly over time, as family system formalised, and it was realised that women will have periods every month, and they will go through childbirth, it may have been a conscious decision to divide roles – equally. Over ages, centuries, it became that whoever earns the living, becomes the head or the karta. Money became important, providing became the “bigger role”. That was never how it started with. And we see where we are today. A simple division of lifestyle became a division of genders.
I talked about physical strength difference; there was none to start with. It has come with thousands of years of evolution. It’s accepted now but it wasn’t how we were created.These things are just too deep rooted in both men and women. And that is why I say we need to question it. We need to unlearn so much. And press the reboot again.
As told to Mamta Sharma
