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THEBUZZ

Competition to Get Delhi Drunk and Apna Rishi

AAP, BJP Compete To Get Delhi, Dilli Drunk: AAP and BJP are in a bit of a competition to get Delhi tipsy and help it drown its sorrows. AAP has decided that all liquor shops in Delhi will be owned by its Government or state. That way excise and Govt coffers can go up to an estimated ₹9,500 crores. Quite a sum.

According to AAP, the BJP government was harassing private liquor shop owners with Directorate of Enforcement and the CBI! Their pincer attacks on liquor shops drove nearly half of Delhi alcohol selling outfits to close due to what they called harassment.

That might have sounded good for campaigners of an Alcohol-Mukt Bharat or wives praying for alcohol-free Indian men. But according to AAP, the Central Government was trying to introduce the Gujrat model. Modiji has been championing the Gujrat model of development everywhere since he announced his candidacy to become PM. He was after all Chief Minister of Gujarat once.

But Modiji has never showcased Gujarat model of liquor sale policy. AAP says the Gujarat model is to drive alcohol sale into the black market. With ED raids on licensed shops, apparently it was already happening in Delhi. As Delhi Police is under the Central Government, allegedly there was quite a bit of money to be made by arresting and de-arresting backstreet sellers. That is allegedly the Gujarat liquor economic model. Gujarat has many types of unique economic models to handle different aspects of the economy. For instance the Gujrat model of intercommunal harmony is to thump a minority on the head and make it say ‘jee huzoor’. Apparently it works.

Kejriwal wasn’t going to miss out on all the alcohol revenue regardless of the prayers of the haplesse Indian wife. So while the BJP Gujrat model wants Delhi to get drunk on the black-market and ‘unofficially’ or illegally as AAP says, AAP wants Delhi to be drunk and be merry officially. AAP minister, Manish Sisodia, is going to open almost all the liquor shops under Delhi Government. And people can buy the hard stuff at the pleasure of Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal and co with profits and excise going to make the pavements safe in case fully drunk individuals fall and hit their heads. It’s a circular economy. Every family can be happy. Papa hasn’t split his head after the fall after drinking too much.

So Delhi Govt is now going to be the owner of the biggest chain store in India, some 900 or more liquor stores. People can get merry, and after a few scotch whiskeys etc, say things like: Dilli, Dlehi or ‘Oee ki kende nae, daily, dilli, billy’ and pay Kejriwal Govt to get to that point of mental incoherence.

Apna Rishi

Apna Rishi had a dream. Born and schooled in Britain, he wanted to make Britain great again. So he became a politician after earning quite a lot of money as banker and then marrying into a mega rich house. He became Chief Munshi in Boris Johnson Government, tidying up the books and looking after the ‘toshakhana’.

His boss, Boris the Boar (has the physical features of one and snorts) has a moto: ‘Never knowingly tell the truth’. He has been brought down in an office coup (Palace belongs to the Queen in UK) because he didn’t tell the truth too many times even for the Brits to stomach.

It is alleged that Apna Rishi, in a hurry to become ‘Wazir e Alam’ of Britain, led the ‘Ides of March’ stabbing. Apna Rishi then quickly laid claim to the throne. Eight others also did. Seven of them have been weeded out by his fellow MPs. There are now two in the ring, Apna Rishi and a local girl, Liz Truss. Now Apna Rishi needs backing of his party members. That is where he is against tough competition. Three things stand against him. Being filthy rich in a country that hides its wealth (mostly looted from colonies). Telling the truth in a country that prides in hypocrisy. And being Brown and ‘foreign’ in a country that ditched EU membership because of English nationalism and dreaming of restoring Rule Britannia.

Apna Rishi wears ₹40,000 rupee (£400) shoes and ₹350,000 (£3500) suits when trying to convince voters that he understands poverty and the needs of financially struggling people. Many Tory voters from poor constituencies look at their ₹2,000 (£20) shoes and his ₹40,000 shoes and shake their heads. So that’s one big vote bank ‘shooed’ away.

Apna Rishi says that after the ‘never knowingly tell the truth’ period of his Boss, he (Apna Rishi) is going to be straight forward and tell the truth. (If anyone knows a Banker who is straightforward, please post it in Instagram).

The English pride in being hypocrites, so much that they even deny being hypocrites. Boris the current leader was too far into hypocrisy even for the English as he was doing it openly, so they decided to get rid of him. A true hypocrite is not meant to be found out. By compa, Boris was an honest hypocrite.

Apna Rishi took the English at face value and laid his stall by saying the country is broke with rising inflation, rising interest rates, rising poverty and rising energy costs, so he is going to raise TAXES to bring it all within affordable means. He is a Banker at heart and thinks of add and minus accounts.

RAISE TAXES. Has any politician in the world got elected by saying he/she will raise taxes? They all say they are going to get rid of taxes altogether if possible only to raise them when they get elected. Apna Rishi being Punjabi, has been saying what comes into the mind. So that’s a bigger vote bank cashed off free to his opponent, Liz Truss. Liz says she will lower taxes, even though all leading economic institutions say that is economic suicide.

Thirdly, Apna Rishi has taken the ‘non racist’ racism of the English to heart. He really believes in the rhetoric. The Brits are great at drama. This is land of Shakespeare. They put in a few non white faces in the ring to pretend they are not racists. Then they scalp the person alive in the press and throw the carcass in the bin.

Apna Rishi was asked if racism is a factor against him. Poor rich Apna rishi, taught in best public schools and Universities, said No! What else could he say!

He has been given a script for his campaign that can then be torn apart when needed. The press has suddenly been tearing apart his record as Chancellor, although he was the first finance Minister in the world to think of furlough payments to save people being thrown into dire bankruptcies during the pandemic. Now his expensive suits and shoes have become part of public ridicule in the press. Suddenly the right wing press is wheeling out failed economists to condemn his Tax Raising proposals.

The average Tory member who still dreams of Rule Britannia rebranded as Global Great Britain GGB), has been given enough reasons to vote against Apna Rishi and still not admit that it’s because he (Apna) is not White.

His competitor on the other hand is being hailed as having a great record as a foreign minister who stood up to Russia and a competent coherent politician.

This despite the fact that Russia’s Foreign Minister made mockery of her trip to Russia by saying ‘she hears but not listens’ and exposed her lack of knowledge of her subject. In diplomatic circles, she has become a joke.  She often speaks as if she is trying to put a sentence together and lacks coherence of thought in her answers. The Press says that shows she is thinking!

Apna Rishi is still trying. Being Punjabi, he is also getting angry possibly having realised he is a muppet in a game and being ‘coloured off’. Still its difficult to be sorry for him. He was naïve to think he can get into Downing Street. And he has a lot of spare cash while he has thrown the ordinary person in the abyss of rising inflation, interest rate hikes, falling standards and sky high energy costs. But Apna Rishi is Apna and Punjabi and great of him to try.  Where would a Apna Punjabi be without thinking of world dominance but unable to dominate even the mahala.

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