With gold and velvet flowing like the Ganga in mud, the coronation of the King of United Kingdom and Northern Ireland and of course Commonwealth looked like a festival of Bumble Bees with golden and black stripes. It was so carefully and minutely choreographed that one almost felt sorry for the Prince metamorphosed as King. The phrase gilded cage would not find a better caricature.
But then it transpired that the King himself had overlooked every little minutiae of the proceedings, every guest list and every arrangement on how many steps each person would take. The King of England did not want any mistakes lest people laugh at him and turn off. Not much of a sovereign when One is scared of being taken for the court jester. Not the same as the mighty Henry VIII who would have said ‘offff with his head’ if anyone dared to laugh at his funny clothes or a bit of a misstep.
Nor like the powerful Monarchs of Middle East who can cut hands, legs, heads and even more with swords. Or like the Presidents of come countries such as China and USA, who can wipe the whole world with one finger touch on a red button if they so much want. Still the ceremony, the cast and the wardrobe kept many glued to TV saying ‘aaahhh, oooh’.
British Monarchs are a neutered species. They reflect ‘Britain rules the Thames’ now with all the filth filtered into the once sacred river by the British privatised water companies. It is increasingly being exposed that the vast wealth and Jewellery in the possession of the Monarchy is dubiously stolen from other countries such as signing agreements and breaking them in characteristic British approach. Ask the EU who are still wondering whether any document signed by HRH Government is worth the paper.
To come back to the coronation, called regalia. It had all the props of a B Hollywood movie set for a Shakespearian film about a British Monarch. It was surrealist. It was difficult to take this as reality because it is so reflective of a bygone world. Was Television showing a film or a real life event? Perhaps the next Monarch can do a stone age version with Mammoth tusks and Skin coats.
But people thronged to watch and those whose lands had been pillaged, looted and handed to others, fell over themselves to have a glimpse. Some even put on rings and gloves etc on the King, perhaps thanking his family for all the hard work in their ancient lands. It is bizarre.
The comedy got even more competitive with Saturday night shows. The King of England is ‘divine’. Yes believe it or not. After God, comes the King of England. The Pope was usurped in England by good old Henry VIII. Not that His Divineness, HRH has been able to do much for people sleeping rough on the streets of London, or 20% children in Britain going hungry every day, except shoo them out of statistics.
There was some oil brought all the way from Jerusalem to put on his nipples and some other appendages to affirm his ‘divinity’. This is out of those Marvel fantasy films, where the hero is anointed with some holy icon to protect the world from the evil designs of the devil’s warlords.
Being God’s emissary or assistant, His ‘divineness’ has decided to become ‘defender of all faiths’, whether they like it or not. ‘We are looking for the same’ says HRH Divineness. Charles the nth. Well in that case his first job as defender of faiths should be to wear that Glove given by a Sikh and rush over to France and divinely make the King of France, Macron, permit Sikh children to wear turbans in schools. It will be a befitting use of the glove. At least in Marvel films, heroes with divine powers can do much more.
Not everyone was enamoured by the coronation. Scotland football fans of the Celtics, spent a whole afternoon in the match singing, ‘you can shove your coronation up you ….’ (Lokmarg has some standards).
As with all these pompous ceremonies, His Divineness’ has had to go to Scotland to be enthroned as well to lay claim to all his lands. Only to be met by a number of Scottish with placards, ‘Not my King’. Other Scottish couldn’t be bothered to turn out.
Nevertheless the Bumble Bee circus will go on and is considering making its way to India as first stop in the colonies. Strong man Modiji will only be more than gelatinous to hug His Divineness’ and thank his family for reducing India’s once might GDP at 25% of world’s wealth (during Mughals) and reducing it almost zero on 1947. Modiji does not like Mughals and English stripped the Mughals of their wealth. So great souls.
Alas the rest of us will continue to watch the Bumble Bee show carry on reminding many of us that every shiny stone in that crown has come through the spilt blood of our kin somewhere in history.
However having said all that, it has to be admitted a bit begrudgingly by Republicans like me that the ceremony, the pomp, the fairy tale royalty and organisation was unbeatable. No one else can do it better.
Modi Ji All Weather Man
In this gender neutral world, Modiji will hug anyone who is white and powerful and get away with it without taking sides. Within a week, our Modiji had hugged Joe Biden of the United States and Vladmir Putin of Russia without any embarrassment.
Russia and United States are growling at each other like Rottweilers, fighting in Ukraine. But only Modiji can be relaxed and smiley with both. It is diplomacy and statesmanship or something else.
And neither Biden nor Putin can take a step back from these huggies. They both seem to adore Modi ji. Modiji’s smiles are too irresistible.
Now hugging Xi is another matter. As the mighty Chinese keeps on gnawing at India’s real estate, and is too dour to be seduced by smiles and hugs, Xi is unlikely to come ten steps near Modi lest he is grasped and hugged. Unless of course Modi and Jaishankar finally hand all of India to China and tell Indians that it is the deal of the millennia. In which case Xi will give him the hug of the century with a smile that will beat all.
HINDU MADRASAS IN BANGLADESH
Not to be outdone by all those Islamic Madrasas in South Asia, the Sangh has come up with its own plan. Why not beat them at their own game and set up Hindu Madrasas in Muslim countries.
So the Sanghis have now established some 350 Vedic Schools in Bangladesh to instil pride in being Hindus and tell Hindu children why they should worship cows in a country in which people eat Beef in almost every meal. The Sanghis are also demanding 50 seats reservation in Bangladesh Parliament.
Apparently the RSS is behind all this. Hope fully similar Hindu Madrasas will be established in Pakistan and Afghanistan soon.