Tag: Good Parenting

Smartphones Can Be A Double-Edged Sword For Adolescents

By LokMarg

Nita Balmohan Rajesh, mother of a 14-year-old daughter and a 12-year-old son, shares why enforcing appropriate boundaries for children while using technology in today’s digital age

Being a mommy to a teenager is so much harder than it was when we were in teens! The recent news of the Attorney Generals of 14 states in the US filing a lawsuit against TikTok for lying about safety provisions and harming teenagers’ mental health versus the ongoing battle that ensues in every household, especially those where the parents do not gift (read allow) an ‘Insta’ account on the 13th birthday!

Social media is a double-edged sword: Not having a footprint in Instagram, Facebook makes a teenager otherwise creative, well-read student pursuing multiple interests such as art, music and dance, but also being called “weirdo” at school! While not always successful, making them understand how harmful unmonitored hours on end watching the screen can be, is the key!

Leading technologists themselves have been reiterating the harmful effects of gaming and screen-time before the child is 16. Add to this the endless reports and publications by leading psychologists that indicate increased anxiety, depression, insomnia, and eating disorders in children who excessively use their mobile phones and/or laptops. Yet, the news of 14- and 15-year-olds committing suicide or throwing unprecedented tantrums over their parents not giving them screen time is beyond depressing!

The worst part is that many parents fall victim to the constant pressure from their kids, even when well aware of the harmful risks. There’s a sense of helplessness – the feeling that their children will be “left out” socially if they are not active on social media.

ALSO READ: ‘Good Parenting Doesn’t Require You To Be A Helicopter Mom’

And monitoring screen time and controlling content that the children are exposed to – that’s nearly impossible because their teenagers often shut them out, refusing to let parents be involved invoking the ‘Do you NOT trust me?’ card. It is a losing battle – setting rules and maintaining discipline for responsible screen-time, with clear ground rules and limits in place. Hopefully mature conversations and reducing the number of hours we ourselves spend on Social media can stop the downward spiral we have tragically seen when children take extreme steps in frustration or despair!

For now, in our household, we have reluctantly agreed up to 20 minutes a day of communicating with their friends via WhatsApp and Discord and a maximum of 2 hours a week of Minecraft, in addition to the two hours of Television / movies a week. The Microsoft weekly screentime report is regarded as important as their progress in school!

Exceeding the two-hour screentime limit – unless extra screen time was allowed for a school project – means reduction of or no screentime in the current week! Our 14-year-old is allowed to swipe mindlessly usingmy Insta account (which in itself is a “boring” deterrent and she graciously declines!) while I am readying myself for the nightmare of a skirmish when the walls come down and she demands an iPhone of her own and installs Insta, TikTok, and whatnot!

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As told to Mamta Sharma

एक अच्छा पैरेंट बनने के लिए हर समय बच्चों के सर पर मंडराना जरुरी नहीं

‘Good Parenting Does Not Require You To Be A Helicopter Mom’

By LokMarg

Meeta Goyal, the mother of two grown-up children, talks about modern-day parenting and parental discipline. Her views:

If you ask me what parenting is, I would say it is a journey which is different for everybody and like any other journey this one too has its ups and downs. Nobody is a born parent. It is only when a child takes birth that parents are also born. As the child grows, parents also grow and learn.

I have often questioned myself about whether I am a good parent or not. I am often in a dilemma as to what kind of example am I setting for my children because I am aware of my actions and reactions. As a parent, my speech and expressions and body language are constantly being watched and analysed, not just by the people around me but also by my own children. 

The performance pressure which was earlier on kids has now been bestowed upon parents as well. It has become so difficult these days to be a perfect parent that you feel you are being judged all the time. It is very easy to judge a parent but it is so difficult to be one. 

I feel we can set examples for our children in different ways. It is not important to always sit with your child and do what you want your child to do. We can set examples by showing them how to handle different things and how to do things their own way and how to be independent.

ALSO READ: ‘Parenting Is Not Framing Rules, But Leading By Exmple’

I feel these days, children are very smart. They just don’t rely on parents to learn everything. They have so many other options where they can learn good or bad things. So as parents I think it is important that we inculcate feelings, emotions, empathy and care in our children. It is important to make children understand why parents are busy, the importance and value of earning money the hard way and the struggles associated with it. At no point must a child feel that money comes easy or will come easy later on.  

The society, on the other hand, should not judge a parent or a household because everyone’s circumstances and situations are different. What may be feasible for one family may not be viable for another. That also applies to parenting. Times have changed.

Being a 90’s kid myself, I have seen things changing very fast. Lifestyle has changed, parenting has changed, every thing has changed. Now I am a member of the boomer club (a millennial phrase) struggling to maintain balance between the 90s and the millennial thinking.

Frankly, for the longest time I have stopped caring about anybody’s opinion except that of my children. When I compare myself to younger moms, I feel guilty about not having done much for my children. It took me time to be a supportive and understanding mother and I think I am still struggling. Sometimes I feel left behind. I feel I could not keep pace with the changing world around me. I just wish I could go back into time and mend my mistakes. But I no longer aspire to be a better mom. I have always loved my kids and they mean the world to me. I just wish I could set a better example for my kids. But I am proud that I get to learn so much from them.

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As told to Deepa Gupta 

A Child Follows What Parents Do And Not What They Preach

‘A Child Follows What Parents Do, Not What They Preach’

By LokMarg

Akhilesh Srivastav, a father of an adolescent girl, emphasises on participative upbringing of children and not by controlling their lives. His views:

I strongly support the view expressed by tech icon Narayana Murthy when he said ‘If I am watching TV, I cannot ask my children to study’. How can you justify going to movies or watching television at home without hampering the attention of your children? I mean, it is okay if the child is still an infant when a movie or a TV programme hardly matters for him or her. But if the child is an adolescent, you need to restructure your daily routine to lead by example.

I am a proud father of an adolescent girl and we live in a joint family. I frequently take my daughter and other children of my extended family to a movie so that we inculcate a sense of belonging and spend time together. At home, I ensure that my pastimes or interests do not collide with my daughter’s study time. When there is TV time, all of us will watch television and when it is study time, we shall all be immersed in reading activity.

Mr Narayana Murthy hits the nail when he said, “it is for the parents to create an environment of discipline at home for our children to study”. Children do not follow what you preach; they follow the footsteps of their parents’ action; a disciplined life from the beginning will help them to be more responsible, independent and thoughtful. If we start making healthy changes in our children’s lives from the very beginning, they will adopt them early and carry it for their lifetime. The same thumb-rule applies in all walks of their lives.

ALSO READ: ‘Parenting is Not Framing Rules, But Leading By Example’

Besides, parenting also needs some flexibility. I do not approve of a strict copybook time table for children as we are not living in a military academy. After all, in the age of gadgets and technology, you cannot restrict the access of any kind of information from the children of this generation. In our growing up years, for example, we needed a dictionary or parental guidance to understand a new word or concept. Today, everything is accessible on your smartphone. We cannot take away this advantage from their lives. But we can teach them how to use these gadgets judiciously so that it does not become an addiction.

Technology such as a smartphone must be allowed to be used by children but needs to be monitored by parents – as it can be a double-edged sword with both negative and positive aspects. Since we are supposed to be their mentors (at least before they cross their teenage) it is our responsibility to regulate their exposure to the outer world – the internet and social media to be precise.

Quality time should be spent with growing up children. No doubt sometimes it is not feasible due to the work culture these days, but we as parents should manage first ourselves learn to maintain work-life balance and then expect study-life balance from our children. As Mr Murthy beautifully put: a parent must lead by example.

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As told to Rajat Rai

Parenting Is Not About Laying Down Rules But Leading By Example

‘Parenting Is Not About Laying Down Rules, But Leading By Example’

By LokMarg

Neeti Srivastava, a mother of two grown-ups, says children easily pick up the subtle differences between what we preach and what we practice. Her views:

As a mother of two grown-up sons, I often reflect on the many lessons I learned while raising them. One idea that resonates deeply with me comes from IT icon Narayanmurthy, who stressed that we cannot expect our children to study diligently if we ourselves indulge in leisure activities like watching TV. His words struck a chord because, as parents, our children are our mirrors. They learn more from what we do than from what we say. Over the years, this truth became the foundation of my parenting approach.

Children are remarkably observant. From a young age, they pick up the subtle differences between what we preach and what we practice. When my sons were little, I realized that if I wanted them to develop good habits, like being disciplined and responsible, I had to model those qualities myself. I couldn’t sit on the couch watching TV and expect them to study diligently. It was important that I, too, showed the discipline of reading, working on tasks, or even engaging in meaningful conversations with them.

This conscious choice to lead by example had a profound impact. When I sat down with a book or focused on my work, I found that my sons were more likely to complete their homework or study without complaint. By creating an environment where learning was seen as valuable, not just for them but for all of us, they began to understand that education and self-improvement were lifelong pursuits, not chores to be completed just to please a parent or teacher.

The ripple effect of leading by example extended beyond academics. My sons watched how I managed my time, how I handled stress, and how I set and achieved goals. These were crucial lessons that shaped their approach to life as they grew older. I knew that teaching them how to
organize their time, set priorities, and remain focused on long-term goals would be far more valuable than any lecture I could give. They learned to regulate themselves, manage their responsibilities, and handle their successes and failures with grace.

ALSO READ: ‘Parental Care & Acceptance Can Heal A Child’s Trauma’

By embodying the values of hard work and perseverance, I aimed to show my sons that success doesn’t come from shortcuts. It comes from consistent effort, patience, and determination. They saw firsthand that goals, whether academic or personal, required commitment and that setbacks were a natural part of any journey. These lessons, I believe, helped them become the responsible, motivated individuals they are today.

Narayanmurthy’s words are a reminder that our role as parents is not just to enforce rules but to live by the standards we set for our children. Trust and credibility in parenting are built when we practice what we preach. When we show self-discipline, we encourage it in our children. When we work hard, we demonstrate the value of perseverance. And when we embrace growth, we cultivate a love for learning in them.

As I look back on my parenting journey, I realize that one of the most important forms of discipline is self-discipline. By refining myself and living according to the values I wanted to instill, I not only helped shape my sons into responsible adults but also grew personally. We, as parents, have an incredible responsibility to lead by example, and through this, we can truly raise responsible, capable citizens of the world.

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As told to Deepti Sharma