Tag: Homophobia In India

‘SC Verdict on Same Sex Union Takes Us Several Steps Back’

By LokMarg

Anjali Gopalan,founder of The Naz Foundation Trust to fight HIV/AIDS and guard the rights of LGBTQIA community, shares her views on SC verdict on same sex marriage.

The divided Supreme Court verdict on same-sex marriage has really been disappointing. This is the time when the courts could have taken the whole issue forward. They could have looked at the issue within the perspective of civil rights. This judgment, unfortunately, takes us 100 steps back.

Now the issue has been left to the Parliament. This is, indeed, highly problematique. So when will the issue be raised in Parliament – we simply don’t know that. Pray, how many issues are discussed in the current Parliament these days? For all we know, Parliament sessions are not held for the entire duration. Hence, this crucial issue going to Parliament remains a question mark.

The other disappointing thing has been the denial of the right to adopt – which should have been given to the LGBTQ community. Anyway, adoption has been made so difficult even for heterosexual couples. There are thousands of orphans in our orphanages. What is wrong if they get a loving and caring couple to take care of them? The thinking is regressive!

ALSO READ: ‘SC Stand on Same Sex Marriage is a Lost Opportunity’

The Chief Justice of India is very progressive, but, what has happened to the rest of the judges? The CJI was clearly in the minority. Having said all this, I would say that the debate has expanded the definition of discrimination – which is a good thing. Surely, as per the current law, trans-people can marry other trans-people, meaning, a trans-woman can marry a trans-man. However, a trans-man cannot marry a trans-man.

Surely, homosexuality has been decriminalized in India by law. However, if you look carefully, a large number of fundamental rights are denied to them. You have to look at society and the community. There is deep-rooted prejudice against. This is visible in sphere of employment and work, housing, education, health, among other things. This is a pattern across the country.

Families themselves compel trans-individuals to go for conversion-therapy. They force them to get married and raise a family. They hide their identity.

We are living in a democracy. On what basis can you deny them their rights? The irony is that almost all political parties seem to be on the same page on this issue. Remember, while we were fighting discrimination during the UPA government, the same phenomena prevailed. That is, when it comes to this issue, no one is a holy cow!

(The narrator has set up an animal sanctuary All Creatures Great and Small (ACGS) at Silakhari, Harayana for sick and abandoned animals. She has been a Member of the Animal Welfare Board of India. In 2005, she was short-listed for Nobel Peace Prize in recognition of her work. She has received the Commonwealth Award in 2001 for her work with marginalized communities and the Woman Achiever Award given by the Ministry of Women and Child Development, in 2007)

As told to Amit Sengupta

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Parental Support is Crucial for a Child

‘Parental Acceptance Can Heal Trauma Of LGBTQ Children’

By LokMarg

Mumbai-based Aruna Desai, 58, co-founder of Sweekar – The Rainbow Parents, an LGBTQ+ help group, says parental support is crucial for a child suffering from sexual orientation and gender-identity crisis

I am an out and proud mother of a gay child. I am not a victim that I have to ask for sympathy from someone. When my son came out, in the beginning for almost two to three years I was asked by people how the acceptance came to me. I asked them back what they meant by “acceptance”. He is my child. His sexual orientation doesn’t make me any less proud of him. The children are not born with these tags, it is us as a society that put those tags on them.

When my son came out in 2007, he was scared. He told me about Section 377 which criminalized homosexuality in India before it was amended in 2018 and that being gay was criminal. I wondered how my son who loved another boy could be a criminal. The only thing I knew was he was my child, and I loved him. So when he told me he was gay, I remained calm. I took him out for dinner and told him I loved him no matter what and my love for him is unconditional.

He was 17 years old then. Once he got my support, nothing else mattered to him. I feel, once the children get their parents’ support, they can conquer the world. On the other hand, the parents’ rejection can turn their lives into hell.

When the child is in a mother’s womb, the parents love the unborn unconditionally, without having a second thought about the child’s gender. So, the parents should realise that when the child comes out to them they don’t change, they are the same person they were yesterday. It is your perception for your child that changes. How can you as a parent end up discriminating against them on the basis of their gender or sexual orientation when they come out?

Desai says every parent of an LGBTQ child as a story to share

Parents need to understand when a child comes out to you, the child does not intend to hurt you. The child has also struggled with his or her identity and suffered internal turmoil. People from the LGBT community have a hard time accepting themselves and the society anyways is not kind towards the community. As parents we should understand their internal struggle, support them and feel proud that they trusted us enough to tell us instead of making them feel any worse.

When my son came out, I, along with four other parents who were out and proud and helping their and other children come out to their parents formed a WhatsApp group to help ease the struggle children face with acceptance of sexuality and parents accepting their children the way they are.

We realized there were many LGBTQ+ support groups but not for the parents of LGBTQ+. Hence came in February 2017, Sweekar – The Rainbow Parents. The group was formally launched with the help of some ten parents of Indian LGBTQ children and the support of Sridhar Rangayan and Saagar Gupta who had then made a film called Evening Shadows which revolves around the story of a young gay man who comes out to his mother.  

ALSO READ: I Guide Parents Of LGBTQ Children: Sridhar

Every parent of an LGBTQ+ child has a different story to share. The vision of the group was to help parents with their own journeys of coming out and to help them accept their children, guide each other, educate ourselves with the latest news and laws on LGBTQ+ community and seek to dispel the myths and misinformation that surround sexual orientation and gender identity.  When we started we wanted to be a pan-India group, however, gradually, parents of Indian origin residing in other nations like Oman, Australia, London etc started joining the group to challenge the discriminating notions around LGBTQ+ community and fight for their rights.

Sweekar has a Facebook page and an Instagram handle by the same name. Today we have 117 parents in that WhatsApp group and are happy about it for the fact that it has a multifold effect in increasing the awareness about LGBTQ+ community. One parent can help sensitise 20 more people in his/her extended family and friends. Since 2007 we have been able to sensitise over 200 parents of children from LGBTQ+ community.

My message to parents of LGBTQ+ children is to accept your children as they are. And if you think that your child should choose a heterosexual lifestyle, have a change of scene by asking yourself if you were asked to choose a homosexual life, will you do that. Like a heterosexual cannot be forced to become a homosexual, the vice versa is also true. No one voluntarily chooses a life laden with fear, discrimination and isolation by classmates, friends, colleagues, and family.

So when your child comes out to you don’t be judgmental, or accusatory. Reassure them by saying “I love you, and I am proud of you for telling me.”  Have an open dialogue with your child where you can both share each other’s concerns. All you have to do is unlearn some things and learn new things about your child and just be there for them.

– As told to Mamta Sharma