Tag: Patriarchal Mindset

‘If Trolls Can Harass An MP Like Mahua Moitra, How Do Ordinary Women Survive?’

By LokMarg

Bengaluru-based Aparna Tummalapalli says public gaze on Mahua Moita’s personal life shows how deeply patriarchy and moral policing are embedded in society. Her views:

Trinamool party MP Mahua Moitra has recently been the victim of vicious online trolling regarding her recent nuptials to Pinaki Misra of the BJD party. Several individuals have targeted her for choosing to remarry at a later stage in her life and have even been raising questions about her promiscuous attitudes. What do these online comments say about the mindset of our modern-day society? Is it the long-lasting impact of an established patriarchy, a cultural attitude itself that grant legitimacy to these comments?

To my mind this is a clash of patriarchy and modern-day feminist values. With the advent of modern-day feminism, it is much more acceptable for women to remarry or even have their first marriage later in life. However, India has been slow to adopt these values and has been resistant towards the 21st century liberal ideologies. We often see a clash between the two opposing systems, leading to women being victims of it.

Most individuals are disconcerted and are wary of losing their position of privilege in society as a result of the patriarchy. Hence as a result, project openly sexist behaviours in an attempt to suppress feminism and retain their position of power.

Remarrying in Indian culture: In Indian culture, women are judged based on their ‘purity’, It is often a make-or-break criterion when it comes to arranged marriages, in Indian culture women who are open to exploring their sexuality are often looked down upon or seen as loose. Moreover, marriage is viewed as an extremely sanctimonious institution, and choosing to remarry can be seen as a deliberate violation of that sanctity.

ALSO READ: ‘Chiranjeevi’s Comments Reflect Deep-Rooted Misogyny’

Most individuals would assume that the majority of the online trolls are men. However a quick inspection show a different story. In equal parts, men and women are trolling and subjecting her to sexist remarks. What does this say about women in India and their approach to feminism? Why is it that they are not standing up for a fellow woman who is being subjected to blatant chauvinism?

Misogyny is so ingrained in our society, that even women don’t spare their kin. Feminism is seen as an aggressive, uncompromising and, at times, illogical system of belief that portrays all men in a negative light.

However, this couldn’t be farther from the truth, real feminism is all about equally uplifting all sections in society and working in tandem to achieve unity, the small pockets of neo-feminism and tone-deaf opinions of extremist feminist figures are not to be taken as representation of an entire ideology.

Another vice in today’s age is ageism; people believe that our lives must follow a defined path that is dictated by age restrictions and social norms. Most people have a misplaced belief that at an older age one must have their entire life sorted, and must be “settled down” in order to ease through the final stages of life. However every individual is different, and every individual approaches their life differently, as a society we must accept that regardless of age people are free to make choices that satisfy them, be it following their passion or even pursuing marriage. These attacks also expose the deeper cultural fabric of society, as a culture that is extremely rigid in its ways.

The attacks against Moitra shows a reflection of a society that is still seeped in sexism, atheism and a rigidity to accept new age values. If women in power and influence are subject to such vitriol, then it is safe to hazard a guess about what common women are subject to. It’s perhaps a patriarchal tendency to keep women as muted, restrained and asexual.
The ascetic woman is what society wants!

Public performance of virtue, honour is what even the independent woman is expected to stand by.

As told to Mamta Sharma

‘Pity That Even Judges Carry Preconceived Biases On Women Role’

By LokMarg

Bhavneet, a Bengaluru-based single mother, says men are victims of patriarchal expectations too, and we must question this deep-rooted malaise. Her views:

A Pune district court judge recently sparked a backlash on social media after he asked a woman complainant in a domestic violence case as why she was not wearing a mangalsutra and bindi. The judge reportedly said, “If you don’t behave like a married woman, why would your husband show any interest in you?” The incident was shared on social media by Ankur R Jahagirdar, a disputes lawyer from Pune.

This isn’t the first time a woman’s lack of wearing traditional symbols of marriage on her sleeves – or forehead in this case – has been scrutinized in a court of law. This is a stark reminder of how deep-rooted the gender bias has set in, in our social milieu. Whether a woman wears bindi, bangles or burqa, it’s her choice, no?

I am a single mother, who recently started enjoying wearing a bindi. When I was married, I never did. So, did my husband lost interest because of this? Well, may be the Pune judge could decide! And what is it to behave or look like a married woman? Is there a similar thing for men too?

There was a point of time when it became fancy to talk about feminism; even today it is a fashion to talk against feminism, without even understanding what it means. Does it mean we want to rule over men? Do we want a matriarchal society? An another world kingdom? No, we are simply asking why these rules are just for women. We only want the shoe to be in the other foot too.

More importantly, I feel the educated men need to start questioning it without being told to think about it. That’s what good education should do. But then when we talk of education, this judge must be educated enough. Why is his thought process still this way? Because that’s what he learnt at home, in the society and these are accepted norms. Good education should make you question “why”.

ALSO READ: ‘Patriarchy Affects Both Men and Women…’

The other thing that the judge commented about was “women look for men with higher salary”. Here, men need to raise few questions: why must only men become the head of the family; why should this pressure be borne by men only; why can’t they be homemakers and draw equal respect? For, there is deep conditioning in men and women both; something which is now so ingrained that we do not even realise it consciously.

Men are also victims of this patriarchal mould. From a young age, a boy is raised to protect his sister (however elder). Why must a little boy protect an elder girl? I would assume she is the one doing that for a long period of time. If you question people on this, you will hear, “Oh feminism in Rakshabandhan too, please respect these cultural traditions”.

In the age when humans were hunter and gatherer, men and women worked together. There was no physical strength difference also. Slowly over time, as family system formalised, and it was realised that women will have periods every month, and they will go through childbirth, it may have been a conscious decision to divide roles – equally. Over ages, centuries, it became that whoever earns the living, becomes the head or the karta. Money became important, providing became the “bigger role”. That was never how it started with. And we see where we are today. A simple division of lifestyle became a division of genders.

I talked about physical strength difference; there was none to start with. It has come with thousands of years of evolution. It’s accepted now but it wasn’t how we were created.These things are just too deep rooted in both men and women. And that is why I say we need to question it. We need to unlearn so much. And press the reboot again.

As told to Mamta Sharma

‘Chiranjeevi’s Sexist Comments Reflect Deep-rooted Patriarchy, Gender Bias’

By LokMarg

Simmy Chandran, an independent woman brought up in a family of two daughters, says the actor is unaware of the import of his comments that reinforce harmful stereotypes. Her views:

Recently, at an event, actor-politician Chiranjeevi made a disparaging remark where he likened his role at home to that of a “warden in a ladies hostel” referring to the women in his house. He also suggested that his son, Ram Charan, should have a son to continue the family legacy. While his comments were probably made in jest, they reveal a troubling undercurrent of patriarchy that continues to influence societal attitudes.

At the heart of Chiranjeevi’s statement is the belief that male offspring are necessary to carry on the family lineage—a perspective that, despite his celebrity status, reflects deeply ingrained cultural norms. These comments subtly reinforce the idea that patriarchy is not only acceptable but required, perpetuating the outdated notion that a son’s role in society is more valuable than that of a daughter.

I take pride in being a daughter to my parents because they never made me or my sister feel any different. They have always been happy with their two daughters. They never differentiated between the gender of their children, and it wouldn’t have mattered to them what gender their children were. I feel blessed to have parents who value us for who we are, not for our gender. The love, joy, and fulfilment we bring to the family matter more than anything else.

ALSO READ: ‘Many Of Our Movies Legitimise Misogyny, Violence’

While Chiranjeevi may not have intended harm, his words could have a lasting impact on his audience, particularly those from more conservative backgrounds. They reinforce harmful stereotypes. For many fans, especially those raised in traditional settings, such remarks validate the belief that male children are more desirable than female children. This mindset undermines gender equality, reducing the value of daughters to mere caregivers or supporters of male family members.

Such comments, even when made lightheartedly, have far-reaching consequences. They normalise gender-based discrimination and perpetuate a harmful narrative that devalues the contributions of women. This can lead to more serious social issues like female foeticide, neglect, and the internalisation of gender bias. Women who look up to celebrities like Chiranjeevi may begin to internalise the belief that their worth is secondary to that of a male child. They may subconsciously perpetuate these biases in future generations, believing they are somehow inadequate if they don’t fulfill the societal expectation of having a son.

Celebrities and influencers hold a significant responsibility when it comes to the impact of their words. While they are not expected to be flawless, their platforms have the power to shape public opinion and influence societal norms. In this case, Chiranjeevi’s words, though possibly unintended, have the potential to reinforce traditional gender roles that harm progress toward gender equality.

As a society, we must reconsider what we find acceptable in humour and what we tolerate in the name of entertainment. Perhaps it’s time to stop laughing at jokes that perpetuate gender stereotypes and start challenging the generational patriarchy that they represent. The onus is on us to stop elevating celebrities to god-like status and recognise that, like the rest of us, they are imperfect individuals with views that may not always align with our values. We must learn to hold them accountable, not just for their roles onscreen, but for the messages they convey in real life.

As told to Mamta Sharma

Patriarchy Affects Both Men & Women

‘Patriarchy Affects Both Men & Women, Nirmala Tai Must Recognise That’

By LokMarg

Sherene Annabel, a marketing professional and an IIMB graduate, says a few exceptional women may have broken the glass ceiling, but that’s not the norm. Her views:

During an interactive session with students in Bengaluru, Union Finance Minister Nirmala Sitharaman urged young women to rethink the impact of patriarchy on their ambitions, urging them to seize the unique support systems India offers. “Don’t get carried away by jargons like ‘patriarchy stopping us,'” she advised, emphasising that with confidence and logic, women can thrive in any field.

Well, patriarchy is not a jargon. Let me just refer to the Oxford Dictionary for a moment to clarify what it says. It defines jargon as a special word or expression used by a group that is hard for others to comprehend. But I don’t think patriarchy is hard to understand for women, because we face it every day in almost everything we do. That’s how society has evolved, centered around patriarchy. Sure, there might be some exceptions in certain societies, but for the majority of us, patriarchy is a deeply ingrained part of our lives. So, calling it a jargon seems to miss the point entirely. That’s the first thing we need to acknowledge.

Second, the “What about me?” narrative doesn’t really help anyone who’s affected by patriarchy. For instance, when we hear, “What about Indira Gandhi becoming the Prime Minister? What about XYZ?” we need to look at the broader picture and consider the larger percentage of people who are truly affected. A few exceptional women may have broken the glass ceiling, but that’s not the reality for the majority. Now, it is a woman’s choice whether she wants to prioritise her career, focus on her home, or pursue any other path. But the question we should ask is: is it really a choice for men? That’s where the issue lies.

ALSO READ: ‘India or Iran, Religious Patriarchy Is A Problem’

Patriarchy affects both men and women, and that’s something we need to recognise. Men often don’t have the freedom of choice either because they are expected to prioritise their careers; that’s how they’re raised. We don’t see stay-at-home husbands as a norm, do we? While it may be gaining some acceptance in Western societies, it’s certainly not a common practice in India. There are very few examples of men who take a step back to allow their wives to advance in their careers.

And that’s why this conversation is so important — it needs to change. It’s crucial for us to address patriarchy because that’s when real change can happen. Now, it’s ultimately up to a couple to decide whether the man or the woman’s career will take precedence, and I understand that this decision comes with choices and discussions. But the fact that we can’t have these conversations is problematic. When a Union Finance Minister says, “Don’t get carried away by jargons like ‘patriarchy stopping us,’” it reflects a very privileged perspective. She had the resources and tools to get an education, to be where she is today. Not everyone has those privileges. In fact, in many parts of India, women’s education is still considered insignificant, even in 2024.

This is why we need to keep having these conversations and stress that women’s education is crucial. We need to ensure that both women and men have the choice to decide what matters most to them and pursue opportunities, whether at home or outside the home. The fact that these discussions are being shut down is damaging. It’s important to recognise that we need to empower everyone, regardless of gender, to make the choices that align with their aspirations and circumstances. Let’s not stop having these conversations.

For more details visit us: https://lokmarg.com/

As told to Mamta Sharma

Lax Legal System & Patriarchal Mindset Behind Rise In Rapes

‘Lax Legal System, Patriarchal Mindset Behind Rise In Rape Cases’

By LokMarg

Chhaya Singh, a Ghaziabad-based school administrator and social worker, shares her views on India being the rape capital of the world.

We have a patriarchal society where desires of men and boys are given more importance and upper hand in families, even today in this 21st century. We may have found recognition on many fronts globally but deep down in the heart, we are still very conservative. We don’t openly speak about sex, nor do we have a liberal approach towards it. Sex is still a taboo or I would say, an ‘Adam’s apple or forbidden fruit’.

So anything that is so out of bounds, stirs a deep desire.

While women are progressing in all fields of life, their growth is not well digested by our male dominated society. Most men are overwhelmed and don’t know how to handle their bruised egos and on top of it wide spread unemployment has created hopelessness everywhere. This chaos is upsetting the social fabric of the country at large.

This is a backlash against woman, who are now occupying more public spaces by way of women empowerment which is challenging male hegemony in all walks of life. We also have an age-old discriminatory caste hierarchy where woman of lower caste are easy targets for men of higher or dominant caste. They use sexual violence as a weapon to suppress the lower caste and gender. This has been going on for ages and still continues to in our so called modern society.

ALSO READ: Men Continue to Violate Women Without a Shred of Fear

The country needs a lot of reforms on this account, not only by way of laws or legislation but through the mindset of the people too. Any number of strict laws, fast track courts or capital punishment be given, until the society does not change its thinking, nothing much can be achieved.

Though, if the punishment in such cases is very strict, like cutting the genitals of the offender or throwing acid on his body (Taliban style punishments) maybe some men or boys backout in fear.

If we need a larger group to be reformed, then it should start at an early age. Mothers must teach their boys values to the core, teach them how to respect girls and women. Sex education needs to be an essential part of the education curriculum and subjects like Moral Science should be back in schools. There should be open talk about such incidents in schools and colleges, young minds should be educated to not take their fellow females for granted nor treat them as objects, but to be empathetic and view them as equals.

Parents and education reforms have a very large role to play in a society for such a menace to go, which may still take a lot of time, but this seems to be the only ray of hope for a safer and healthier society for women to survive and flourish.

Time has come, for governments, legal system and society at large to take this up as an urgent task and frame laws, education reforms and social awareness campaigns to curb this menace in the current setup.

For more details visit us: https://lokmarg.com/

As told to Deepa Gupta